when i came home from italy, i had approximately zero dollars. my parents lent me money so i could get by, but my actual money was zero.

after 3 months of working at the worst job ever, i have negative five hundred. i actually thought it was less than that, so that was nice to find it’s only five hundred…

i give up all of my weekends to go to this job, and go out of my way to NOT spend money. spending four dollars on chinese food is splurging, because it’s an unnecessary cost.

that being said, i am poor, send me money. or even better, give me a job (that i can do from where i am and does not involve me commuting hours to work because let’s be real i can’t pay for gas)(this has been a major problem)

thx

In case anyone was wondering i am having just a fabulous day.

I made guacamole in my first class and got a good grade on my presentation about it, then I went to social media (that’s one of my classes; it’s wonderful) and then I ate the rest of my guacamole for lunch and then i spent two hours at the beach and then I took an IT test and was the first one done (even though I awkwardly waited for someone else to leave the room first) and I got 100.

Now i’m getting chinese food. and i don’t really have homework for tomorrow.

Also it was 80 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze. LOVELY DAY. Everyday should be like today.

i was so skinny like freshman-sophomore year of high school, and then it all went downhill from there. as i sit here and complain, i also just had a slice and a half of pizza AFTER i had dinner. and i’m still hungry. UGH

after years and years of doing nothing with my life, i have come to the realization that i actually have to do things.

even though i slept til 11, i worked out, showered, watched some AHS, cleaned the inside of my car, cleaned our kitchen and living room, organized our hall closet, went and bought some stuff i needed for school, AND got my california roll. in 5 hours. this has been my most productive day in weeks.

i scar so easily, and my scars last a really, really long time. it’s always bothered me because there are really few parts of my skin that aren’t marked up in some way, but recently i’ve learned to appreciate them, because so many of them have some sort of memory attached to it. my right arm is covered in scars from when i flipped an ATV in greece. i have a scar on my foot from where i fell on ice like two years ago at monmouth. a scar from my surgery from when i tore my knee skiing in vermont. scars on my knees from forbidden sexual encounters in florence. a scar on my left palm from rock climbing in greece. and tons of scars from all of the goddamn mosquitoes all over italy. just things i might have forgotten about otherwise.

i need some excitement in my life… like for real. i’m so bored and surrounded by death and sad people and it’s lonely and cold in my house. it’s not okay.

on the upside of my life, i just ran a mile. for like the first time ever. ever. i’m not kidding i’m actually THAT un-athletic. so i’m kinda proud of myself. but i’m still insanely bored.

i have no real responsibilities before whenever i decide to move back to school… 

i am spending all of my free time doing nothing. at all. i could be updating my blogs, cleaning out all of the crap in my room, learning how to sell things on e-bay, catching up on tv i’ve missed… but am i doing any of those things?

no. 

i’m literally doing nothing.

i like really, really, really don’t want to go back to america.

but then i scrolled past a picture of mac n’ cheese on my dash and my feelings have been slightly altered.

i was going to do productive things today but it’s 2:35 pm and i’ve been sitting in bed naked for quite some time now

I keep thinking how weird it’s going to be to go home and have… stuff. Like all of my things. That I own. I brought two suitcases to Italy, and I’m so used to those things that I brought. Like, I still have piles and piles of clothes, and shoes, and random crap at home. Traveling, I’ve been so minimalistic. I pack a sweatshirt and wear the same leggings for five days in a row. 

I think when I go home I’m going to donate a bunch of clothes and things. Or maybe sell some and make some moolah… because I’m really poor. I don’t know. I think one of the main things that traveling has taught me is that STUFF really doesn’t matter. At all.

here i am jumping off of a cliff into a narrow, rocky canyon, attached to a single rope. i have a fun life.

literally everyone i’m studying abroad with is so excited to go home in a month… and i’m just like… no. dear lord jesus no do not take me back to new jersey. 

i don’t understand. i’m moving here forever.

i went to croatia this weekend.

ALSO i’m staying in tonight and not going to taco tuesday because i actually have homework and a presentation to do tomorrow but i’m failing miserably at homework and just sitting in bed listening to brand new and eating store-brand nutella out of the jar